Linguo Head Trauma

I have a friend who is about to move from the States to China to teach, so I thought it would be appropriate to write him a Chinese message on his facebook "wall". I wanted to send a thoughtful message, one that would both make him excited about the strange journey ahead as well as impart a bit of sage wisdom that would ease any foreigner's transition to Chinese life. This proved difficult as I am mostly a wellspring of, well, that which cannot rightly be called wisdom, but I remembered some advice that was kindly bestowed upon me in my early days of Taiwanese life. The piece of advice was this:

"一晚睡覺多少" 不是 "一婉水餃多少"。 你不要被打！

This advice is a quite humourous illustration of the perils of using the wrong "tones" when pronouncing your Chinese words. The quoted parts are pronounced thusly:
(1) yī wăn shuì jiào duō shăo
(2) yī wăn shuĭ jiăo duō shăo

Notice that the only difference is your vocal inflection when pronouncing shui jiao. However, the meanings are
(1) "How much (money) to sleep (with you) one night?"
(2) "How much (money) for a plate of dumplings?"

And the end of my "wall post" simply says "Don't get smacked!" I believe this to meet the above advice qualitifications nicely. The recipient can garner many snippets of wisdom such as how to solicit prostitution, that there is some kind of dumpling that is presumably a popular food in China, and that not unlike American restraunteurs, the Chinese counterparts are likely to smack you for soliciting prostitution. On top of all this is a stark example of the hardships of speaking a tonal language. The recipient may begin to foresee the frustration that he inevitably faces when using all the right "words," but still not being understood for want of correct "tones". Perhaps this will initiate some last-minute Chinese language cramming to attempt to stave off avoidable communication disasters. Whatever the usefullness of my advice (or lack thereof), I believe the funniest part of all of this is the Google translation said friend is likely to be staring at soon, as I don't think he can read Chinese yet. Here it is:

"How much sleep a night," instead of "how much of a dumpling-wan." You will not be beat!

Ahh computer translator, there is truly no end to the LOLs you provide. I can only hope that in China, it will be how much he sleeps and not how many dumplings he eats that renders my friend unbeatable!